A few months ago I started having fairly severe problems with my stomach. It wouldn’t hurt but I would generally have to get up many times during the night to go to the bathroom. I didn’t think too much of it, but it just kept up until finally my ass started hurting me. Between the runs to the bathroom, the severe bloating, the flatulence, and puss leaking from my ass, I figured at that point I kind of needed to see a doctor.

So I went to the English speaking doctor I normally go to and she makes an appointment for me at the larger hospital to have the procedure done. The bad thing was that the Golden Week holiday was coming up so I had to wait 3 weeks until the procedure. I was in a pretty bad way for those 3 weeks so I started experimenting with my diet. I finally figured out that if I cut out fiber I was ok.

Basically, when the procedure rolled around I wasn’t having any symptoms so they didn’t find anything. The doctors acknowledge possible problems like celiacs or crohns disease, but they said those diseases were rare in Japan, so they couldn’t test for them and even if I could find a hospital that would test, our national insurance wouldn’t cover it. Honestly, I’ve been here so long this didn’t surprise me. It was disappointing, but I can understand if a disease is especially rare (even if it’s not for Westerners) that they wouldn’t be able to test for it.

They told me to experiment with my diet and find what helped. Afterwards, I basically started eating normally again. I wanted to see if the problem would flair up again and after the buffet I ate the other night it definitely did. I feel like an idiot having to self diagnose, but I’ve come to find doctors are actually pretty terrible at diagnosing. They are good for superficial things but not so great at detective work. And since they can’t physically test for these diseases it’s just a guessing game.

I’m pretty sure I’ve narrowed it down to either celiacs or crohns. I don’t think it is IBS because a lot of the foods people say cause problems with IBS I am fine with. I’m getting a celiacs test sent to me. Even though it’s not perfectly accurate it’s the best I can do. But I’m leaning towards crohns because apparently there is a family history and also I just read the other day that people often say fiber makes it worse, which I had independently figured out beforehand was the case for me. At the same time people with crohns often say cutting out gluten helps, so either way I may be going on a celiacs diet.

The procedure itself wasn’t terribly bad. Since it wasn’t a full colonoscopy I didn’t have to go through the whole process of drinking a ton of laxative. Some nice lady just had me pull down my pants, said “gomen”, gave me a quick enema, and showed me to the toilet. Right before the procedure I totally froze though. I hadn’t had anyone say “Dozo Yoroshiku Onegaishimasu” to me in forever. As I was laying on my side on the table, I feel this tap on my shoulder. I look up and there is the doctor, right in my face with a surgical mask on. He says, “Dozo Yoroshiku Onegaishimasu” and I just freeze. I knew I was suppose to respond but I wasn’t in the best head space. After a few seconds of a blank stare, a “Yoroshiku Onegaishimasu” somehow found its way out of my lips. Two seconds later I had a camera up my ass.

What I learned that day is one more way you can use “Dozo Yoroshiku Onegaishimasu.” You can use it right before you insert something into someone’s ass.

I started packing (the big stuff) this week and I am hoping to only have to send one giant box back home. In order to do this, I had to throw a lot of clothes away. But looking at the stuff I was throwing away, it dawned on me that most of it I had brought with me when I came. I suppose it felt nice to thrown things away….cathartic I suppose. Even though I don’t leave until the end of July, I want everything to be more or less ready for departure. I’ve seen enough ALTs over the years spending their last week frantically cleaning. I don’t want to have to do that.

I’m a bit nervous to go back home. I was showing someone where I lived just the other day and so many things had changed. I am not just saying that metaphorically. It literally has changed. Where I live looks completely different from what I remember. The road has been moved, there are new houses everywhere, and the landscape is different. It is more or less unrecognizable for me.

There are things I am very much looking forward to though. I want to see my friends and family and I want to eat all the great junk food America has to offer. At this point I would kill for Taco Bell or a really good pizza.